I have been gone for way too long, and I'm sorry for that. There have been too many things which I had to do, but now that I'm finished with them, I'll try and be regular.
So I'm almost completely jobless right now. I have no obligations to fulfill, no tests to pass in the near future, and no one to play computer games with. This has provided me with more time that I am used to, and frankly, I don't know what to do with it. This is why I have decided to set out on a life-improvement regime for a month. It comprises reading one book a week, gaining intermediate level knowledge in at least three different subjects (finance, behavioural science and the Indian constitution), and learning to be happy alone.
Oh yes, the last point is completely serious, and I can explain its placement in the regime. It does not mean I will avoid human company for a month. That would be ridiculous. It only means that I will try to wean off of the codependency that has been a part of my life until now. I use the term very loosely, and apologize to all psych majors reading this.
Say, I represent an average human. I have been used to living as part of a community, a group, a gang, or as roommates, and all this time I have been really fond of people's company, and being part of their lives. Which is good. Until I feel bad when a friend doesn't invite me to play, or when a group of friends orders pizza without asking me. You get the idea. Humans are possessive, and friendship does involve possessiveness to some extent. The thing is, it shouldn't exceed normal limits.
What is true about humans is that they form relations with other humans. What is true about a relation is that it requires two people for it to exist. What is true about the two people in a relation is that usually, they each have different interpretations of that relation. This is where trouble begins. When you consider a relation to stretch beyond what the other person does, slight friction occurs, but until the stretch is small, it does not affect anyone significantly.
When the two people in a relation differ significantly in the interpretation of their relation, it cannot be said to be in a stable condition. The instability can either subside naturally, with people mutually agreeing to most of each other's ideas of the relation, or it can grow larger, leading to a significant reduction in the extent of the relation for both parties. For example, consider two people, Radha and Kiran. Kiran considers Radha her best friend, and Radha considers her a good friend. What this means is that Kiran has higher expectations from Radha than what Radha would imagine. This is a wedge which can drive these friends apart, because Kiran will be disappointed at not getting enough of Radha's time, which in turn would cause Radha to be upset at Kiran's unreasonable demands. What should they do?
In my opinion, Kiran needs to realize that not everyone wants to be as close to her all time as she would like. And this is why she needs to learn to be alone and happy. Keeping off Radha's back will allow her to save her friendship, and reduce her dependence on a single person's company. I know it sounds weird this way, but do think about it. You will lose everyone you love, at some point in your life. How will you cope with that loss if you can't stay away from them for more than four hours?
I'm in no way saying avoid your friends. This is not a strict no-carbs diet. I'm only telling you to think twice before you indulge in your craving for ice-cream. Too much of a good thing is bad, and it is true about friendships as well. Depending on someone else's company to feel good stops one from exploring one's true potential. This is what happens when a person is homesick. They don't achieve what they could if they could manage to be alone and happy.
Try this. Go be in a room for 2 hours straight. Don't do any work, just think. Think about what you are doing in life. What are your goals? Whom do you care about most among those you know. What do you want to do later that day? Do you have some things you want to improve about yourself? Do you feel you are happy? Chances are, there would be a lot of things on your mind by the time you reach this question. Don't worry. It's all fine. And it goes to show that you can have perfectly engaging conversations with yourself. You can have great times with your friends. You can have great times alone too.
It goes without saying, I love my family; cherish all my moments with them. I have a few other people close to my heart, and I am thankful to God for them. And for the sake of these relations, as well as for personal good, I will learn to be alone and happy. Firstly, it will allow me to maintain better friendships. Secondly, if it so happens that a day comes when there's no one with me, I'll have the comfort of knowing that I stand by me, the person I know best, and can trust the most.
I'll be there, still smiling, still reading, still singing by myself. The solitary reader.
So I'm almost completely jobless right now. I have no obligations to fulfill, no tests to pass in the near future, and no one to play computer games with. This has provided me with more time that I am used to, and frankly, I don't know what to do with it. This is why I have decided to set out on a life-improvement regime for a month. It comprises reading one book a week, gaining intermediate level knowledge in at least three different subjects (finance, behavioural science and the Indian constitution), and learning to be happy alone.
Oh yes, the last point is completely serious, and I can explain its placement in the regime. It does not mean I will avoid human company for a month. That would be ridiculous. It only means that I will try to wean off of the codependency that has been a part of my life until now. I use the term very loosely, and apologize to all psych majors reading this.
Say, I represent an average human. I have been used to living as part of a community, a group, a gang, or as roommates, and all this time I have been really fond of people's company, and being part of their lives. Which is good. Until I feel bad when a friend doesn't invite me to play, or when a group of friends orders pizza without asking me. You get the idea. Humans are possessive, and friendship does involve possessiveness to some extent. The thing is, it shouldn't exceed normal limits.
What is true about humans is that they form relations with other humans. What is true about a relation is that it requires two people for it to exist. What is true about the two people in a relation is that usually, they each have different interpretations of that relation. This is where trouble begins. When you consider a relation to stretch beyond what the other person does, slight friction occurs, but until the stretch is small, it does not affect anyone significantly.
When the two people in a relation differ significantly in the interpretation of their relation, it cannot be said to be in a stable condition. The instability can either subside naturally, with people mutually agreeing to most of each other's ideas of the relation, or it can grow larger, leading to a significant reduction in the extent of the relation for both parties. For example, consider two people, Radha and Kiran. Kiran considers Radha her best friend, and Radha considers her a good friend. What this means is that Kiran has higher expectations from Radha than what Radha would imagine. This is a wedge which can drive these friends apart, because Kiran will be disappointed at not getting enough of Radha's time, which in turn would cause Radha to be upset at Kiran's unreasonable demands. What should they do?
In my opinion, Kiran needs to realize that not everyone wants to be as close to her all time as she would like. And this is why she needs to learn to be alone and happy. Keeping off Radha's back will allow her to save her friendship, and reduce her dependence on a single person's company. I know it sounds weird this way, but do think about it. You will lose everyone you love, at some point in your life. How will you cope with that loss if you can't stay away from them for more than four hours?
I'm in no way saying avoid your friends. This is not a strict no-carbs diet. I'm only telling you to think twice before you indulge in your craving for ice-cream. Too much of a good thing is bad, and it is true about friendships as well. Depending on someone else's company to feel good stops one from exploring one's true potential. This is what happens when a person is homesick. They don't achieve what they could if they could manage to be alone and happy.
Try this. Go be in a room for 2 hours straight. Don't do any work, just think. Think about what you are doing in life. What are your goals? Whom do you care about most among those you know. What do you want to do later that day? Do you have some things you want to improve about yourself? Do you feel you are happy? Chances are, there would be a lot of things on your mind by the time you reach this question. Don't worry. It's all fine. And it goes to show that you can have perfectly engaging conversations with yourself. You can have great times with your friends. You can have great times alone too.
It goes without saying, I love my family; cherish all my moments with them. I have a few other people close to my heart, and I am thankful to God for them. And for the sake of these relations, as well as for personal good, I will learn to be alone and happy. Firstly, it will allow me to maintain better friendships. Secondly, if it so happens that a day comes when there's no one with me, I'll have the comfort of knowing that I stand by me, the person I know best, and can trust the most.
I'll be there, still smiling, still reading, still singing by myself. The solitary reader.
